Sometimes I imagine my life as a montage sequence. Slices of film. A soundtrack; most likely what’s playing in my headphones. Convenient…
He did something that surprised you. You knew what he was but the ties began to regrow. A mass of veins spreading from him to you. You welcomed him back in. He needed you.
You welcomed him into your home for a time. You began to feel neglected, just like last time. You didn’t really mean to click on the messages between him and the girl he had used to leave you. You weren’t even painted as a friend in those messages. You were the girl who said she would help him out… “Ugh,” he told her. Ugh.
You have a moment of clarity. You take a walk on the beach. You pick up a rock for his collection. You give it to him with a smile. He smiles back and pulls you in for a hug. The hug makes you feel nothing. You realize you’ve conned him back.
I’ve always found a light shade of summer freckle on a man to be an attractive feature. Pair that with an effortless baseball cap and I’m probably halfway to love.
It’s as if I’ve formulated this notion that if you’re a freckled man, you’re an approachable man, you’re a good man; worthy of my planting a kiss on the impression the sun has left on you.
If only all that were true.
I have two and a half blisters because of what you said. I decided I had to walk around the neighborhood until I wasn’t mad about it anymore. I was also locked out of my apartment and had to get cash for the lockout fee but also had to kill an hour and a half. I was wearing my new shoes too.
The last time I saw him he would look at me like he was trying to peel the layers of facade away from who I truly was. It had been a handful of years since then. Granted, things had changed; including my inclination to be swept up by unremarkable lovers; but he wasn’t even looking at me. I had been in the practice of peeling away my own unnecessary reservations, but I wasn’t totally void of a guard that needed to be coaxed into taking a step back and I was disappointed in his lack of effort.
“Come here, you,” he whispered emptily as he pulled me closer and kissed my neck. This was all wrong. We were supposed to be facing the other way in a warm room draped in California summer and stuffed with meaning.
I began I mourn the evolution of my mentality, because maybe it was just me. Being lost and open to letting someone catch my falling spirit had allowed me to get swept up in all that was him. I had felt like we were some sort of androgynous soul.
I tried to get back some of who I was in that California summer. Perhaps being slightly delusional would help me appreciate this unexpected second chance.
But when I locked eyes with him, I felt nothing. I was no longer pulled into what had once been the spirit of the world.
Don’t forget to live deeply*
*You might want to breathe through your nose because I heard once that it’s better for your throat because your nose hole warms the cold air before it reaches your throat and lungs. Or something science like that.
*In addition to the usual hot beverages I highly recommend anything whiskey.
*I say don’t forget because it’s fucking cold and when you can’t feel your toes it’s easy to forget what life is.
- trick a poor soul into giving you his number
- have some nice banter with him but don’t come off as too interested
- make plans with him
- suddenly switch to crazy bitch mode
- get your phone number blocked
- use his number to research him on the Google and find him on Facebook and then on all other social media websites you both use
- send him polite but condescending messages on each of his social media platforms. things like “good job”, “nice”, “classy”, and “asshole”.
- ok, maybe that last one is lacking the polite factor
- the message on Facebook should scare him the most, seeing as he’s now aware that you know his full name, date of birth, place of work, and what he did on june 5, 2011
- allow him to do damage control via Facebook messenger and try not to get too offended by his fear that he now has a real live crazy stalker person on his hands. your gig is just that believable
- play innocent
- confuse him
- watch as each and every one of his social media profiles seemingly disappears off the face of the earth
and there you have it. we’ve done the research for you so that you don’t have to but feel free to try your own methods. this is science after all.